Eulogy

the mother of one of my oldest and dearest friends passed away this week. ive known people who have died before and this feels different. its a generation too close. grandparents, pets and people on the news die. not parents. not parents who have kids that I remember being born. not parents of my friends who are my age. not a parent who was my friend too.

so tonight we went through pictures - which was fun and then I remembered she wasnt coming back. it felt like she was just on vacation or out at the store or something. now im home and my clothes smell like her house. Elaines house. nobody elses house has that smell. cigarette smoke and laundry. its a good smell. the description doesnt do it justice. its weird the things you notice and the things you dont.

and there are her children. they are too young to have lost their mom. 30s, 20s teens. i cannot imagine what they are going through and there is nothing i can do for them. i want to take them in and hold them close and tell them its ok and rock them to sleep like I know their mom used to do. but thats not my place. and its not ok. it hurts and it will hurt for some time. and no one will rock them to sleep. not just because they are grown but because the one whos place it is to rock them is gone. its silly the things you think about and the things you dont.

ok so i should focus on the good stuff. she loved her kids. she loved being a mom – thus the many many pictures of the children - boxes full of pictures. so many home movies documenting just the everyday stuff - playing in the yard, dancing in the kitchen, just hanging out. she looked forward to grandchildren and saved clothes and toys for future generations. she was proud of her icelandic heritage and saved the treasures of past generations. she was a sharp-witted, funny woman who enjoyed being with people and was fun to be around. her home felt like home to anyone who entered it and so many were welcome. she will be missed by more people than she could ever know. she will be missed.