Sleep Deprivation Sucks

Lack of sleep is rough. This past week, due to various circumstances, I've not gotten very much sleep. Most nights saw only 2-4 hours of sleep. Yesterday, I woke up, stumbled through my morning rituals in typical morning-zombie fashion, only to find it was three hours before my alarm was scheduled to go off. That hurt. I had 2-3 hours of sleep, and yesterday is a big haze. But I finally got some sleep last night, so deeply in fact it took several minutes for my mind to notice my alarm this morning. But at least I feel human again.

Sleep deprivation, particularly systemic sleep deprivation in the form of shitty work schedules, insomnia, et cetera, is brutal to the mind, body, and soul. In the past, I've suffered from bouts of insomnia, usually when I was under extreme levels of stress. Working as an on-call systems admin, the stress and schedules of work can oftentimes exacerbate an otherwise brief period of insomnia into weeks to months long roller-coasters of fitful-if-any sleep.

Chuck Palahniuk nailed insomnia in Fight Club. The world does grow more remote. It does start to seem degraded and faded. You begin to feel disconnected from the surroundings after a while. Eventually, you enter a state where surreality becomes your reality. It's a horrible place to be. It's insanity, simply through lack of sleep. A brutal, horrific reality that we fragile creatures need our down time to maintain ourselves.

After a while I could feel, or though I could anyway, the skitterings of dark things going on in my head once I reached a certain point in an insomnia fit. I started calling it "crab-wise" since your thoughts seem to skitter sideways from one to the other in an uncontrolled illogical fashion. I remember at one point, at the deepest darkest murkiest point of one of my worst bouts of insomnia, the entire world seemed to consist of howling monkeys, every person seeming less and less human as they screeched about whatever they were babbling about around me. Who needs psychedelics when you can get better and scarier effects from not sleeping?

Luckily the insomnia has gone away for the most part. My stress has been greatly reduced; mostly by changing jobs, but also by meeting, courting, and marrying my wife. I no longer suffer from being unable to sleep, now I just get screwed by circumstances and lose some sleep every once in a while. I'm glad the crab-wise days are gone, but part of me misses the surreality I used to experience regularly. It made our fucked up world easier to handle in some ways...

Web Of The Day #16

Confessions Of An Engineering Washout
Interesting. I too am an Engineering washout. I went from Engineering Math & Computer Science (the only thing akin to software engineering at the school I was to attend), to undecided (but trying to craft my own software engineering degree with Indenpendent Study), to English. That's right...I have a BA in English. And I work as a high-level UNIX systems administrator, doing enterprise-level design, implementation, and maintenance of complex computing environments; so obviously I'm not incapable of understanding things technical. My engineering school experience was much the same as Kern's...so maybe he has a point. Hmmm.

God Makes Things Worse
Another in the "Well, DUH!" department. Sure, this could just be sloppy science reporting, and sure the study could suck. But, can you seriously tell me there is absolutely no shred of truth to this assertion?

FEMA plans to reimburse faith groups
First Shit-Brownie cocks shit up. Then Shit-Brownie runs away. Then Shit-Brownie blames everyone else. Then FEMA, minus Shit-Brownie, proves itself to be the political pandering shit-hole of an organization Governor-Turned-Emperor Slappy made it out to be. Since when did "charity" mean "work done to get handouts from the government"?! Since when did "christian" translate to "doing good deeds if the price is right"?! OUR tax-dollars paying for TAX-EXEMPT charities doing CHARITY?! What the FUCK?!

I Am A Loser

I'm a sci-fi geek. I admit it. I love science-fiction. I love it in books. I love it in movies. I love it on television. I am a sci-fi geek. There.

So it should not come as a shock that I've taken my wife up on her lovely offer of knitting for me a Doctor Who scarf (from the Tom Baker years for those who give a damn...from Season 12 for those who are sick like me). Mmmm...hand-made geekish goodness. I can't wait.

I eventually hope to coax her into knitting a Season 18 as well, but I figure I can only fight one battle at a time.

Most Disturbingly Named Game Ever Created

Today at work I walked up to a group of colleagues to hear a female in the group say, "...there's going to be corn-holing at the picnic..." My eyes bugged out and everyone saw my face and laughed, because it was apparently the same reaction they had when they first heard the news. And they weren't kidding. Indeed, there was going to be corn-holing at the company picnic.

No, not the corn-holing you're thinking of, but corn-holing. What's the difference? Fucked if I know, I simply couldn't bring myself to go to a "corn-holing" website to find out. It's just not my bag, baby. If you find out the different between the two corn-holing activities, please let me know.

High-Horse Moralistic Bullshit

RANT MODE ON!

I'm fucking disgusted with this fucking city, this fucking state, and this fucking country! I'm sick of the fucking censorship. I'm sick of the moralistic pandering. I'm sick of the fucking bullshit I have to go through just to find pornography! FUCK!

I'm by no means a huge collector of porn, but I do enjoy availing myself of it from time to time. I have some DVDs, some books, magazines, and photos. Not nearly as much as some people I know, but I'm sure I have more than others. Of late, we've been making use of Netflix for our DVD rentals (a great service in most ways), but Netflix doesn't carry porn. No big deal, I thought, certainly there is someone who recognized the merit of an adult-oriented netflix-like service. So I hopped on the computer to find them...

Oh, I found them. With little trouble. There are a LOT of them! AND EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF THEM WILL NOT SHIP RENTALS TO KENTUCKY (or half the fucking states in the US apparently)! Why?! Because of some bullshit, moralistic-pandering law prohibiting them from mailing me some fucking porn! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! I've fucking had it! THIS IS THE LAST FUCKING STRAW!

It's bad enough the local authorities try to force all adult business out of business in this city. It's bad enough my state is filled with inbred, back-woods, dumb-as-horseshit, red-necked, cock-sucking assholes! It's bad enough I'm already basically forced to use the internet as my porn feed as I have little to no other option. But now I find out I can't even get the shit discretely sent to me in non-descript packaging to this back-water fuck-stain of a town?!

FUCK...THAT...YOU...FUCKING...SONS...OF...FUCKING...WHORES!

No more tolerance. From now on I'm telling any religious zealot what I truly think of them. From now on I'm letting the anti-porn fuck-holes know what I think of them. No more biting my tongue. No more live and let live. FUCK ALL YOU HIGH-HORSED PREACHY MOTHERFUCKERS! NO MORE!

Web Of The Day #15

Please Buy My Pants
You'll laugh. You'll cry. And if you buy them you'll kiss some bucks goodbye.

Starbucks cup promotes homosexuality?
Another example of stupidity. Yay stupidity. Hooray! Stupid people rock! Yeah! *sigh*

Gonzales Says Justice to Fight for Pledge
I'm not shocked. It would be nice if someone would at least recognize that "under God" was added LONG after the creation of the Pledge in one of the most collectively psychotic periods of our nation's history. But no, instead most of us trudge on, all foolishly believing that our founding fathers were theocrats.

Looking for a Corpse
If this is true (feel free to send facts confirming or denying), then every Republican everywhere just lost any right to say they are the less sleazy of the two parties.

Theocracy In America
Sadly, I'm not talking about the witch-burnings or some other disgusting hidden fact from our past. Nor am I talking about "under God" or any constitutional argument like that. Instead, I am talking about the rampant theologically-based censorship in our country. See paragraphs three through six regarding Atom Egoyan's recent interactions with the movie ratings board. Men In Black (with a white spot on the neck). Fuckers.

Nintendo - Can They Break A History Of Dull Games?

So there's a review of the new Nintendo Revolution and more particularly its controller. Nintendo has a history of innovation...in hardware. Unfortunately, their strict adherence to family-friendly gaming basically limits the platform to usually dull spin-offs of usually dull rehashes of usually dull premises. The technology can be really interesting, but without a title that intrigues me, it means nothing. The only reason I ever bought a Gamecube was for Mario Kart: Double Dash. NO OTHER REASON. I only bought a Gameboy (Advanced SP) to have Mario Kart in a portable format. NO OTHER REASON. The revolution will be no different...have a compelling game (or at least a re-release of Mario Kart), or be doomed to innovating yourself into non-existence.

A Fine Dinner

Last night was the first in our new monthly dinner parties. Once a month, Smacky and I will be opening our home to guests for drinks, dinner, conversation, silliness, or whatever. Mostly just an excuse to spend time with our friends, enjoy life, and break the routine that weighs most of us down.

While small, the five of us had a lovely evening. The food was excellent (although I learned a valuable lesson about my BBQ recipe and cooking times when doubling amount of meat....*sigh*). The company was delightful. Conversation never really lulled. Everybody had a great meal and a great time. Exactly our intentions.

So hopefully future dinners will be as nice...I look forward to enjoying these nights with my friends in the months to come. Particularly in November, since the third Thursday is well enough ahead of Turkey Day that I might finally be able to have a Turkey Day celebration with my friends...something I've been trying to pull off for almost a decade.

To sum up...if you feel like you don't get to see your family and friends enough...do something about it...NOW. Our time here in this corner of the cosmos is too short to spend it constantly stuck in the same deadening and dulling routine. Break the cycle up every once in a while and act stupid together...be irresponsible...eat, drink, and be merry (even on a weeknight)...seriously.

Web Of The Day #14

Still Ruled By Peter
Where to begin... I mean... Well, I guess the adage "A picture is worth a thousand words" is once again proven true. Apparently, controlling your bladder is less important than worrying about stupid bullshit like world security, ending world poverty, or other meaningless crap. I do wonder why he was asking Condi for permission...that's just a little weird...does he have her cut the crust from his sandwiches as well?

Atheists & Agnostics Get A Break
Well, this time the Supreme Court hopefully won't be able to stick their fingers in their ears on a technicality. Hopefully the judicial process will finally see the "under God" removed from the Pledge of Allegiance. We can only hope that fairness will win and that budding areligious peoples won't have relgious filth shoved down their throats on a daily basis. I cannot even begin to describe the flack that I caught at my schools for not wishing to say the Pledge or the "under God" bit. At first I just omitted the offensive phrase. As I became more politically aware, I decided I need not say it at all. In the end, I was allowed to remain silent during those mandatory pledges...lucky for the schools...had they tried to force me I and my family may have been where Newdow is now...only twenty years earlier. Now Newdow is certainly on a mission, and is spoiling for a fight...but honestly I have trouble finding blame for that...I too am sick and tired of being assaulted with religion in my government on a daily basis.

Reality Stranger Than Fiction
So, Gillette is going to five blades! Really! For some reason, I thought they already had. Weird.

Pledge-a-Picket
GENIUS! I love this idea...people pledging money to Planned Parenthood based on how many picketers are outside over the course of a month! I wish I had more dollars so I could send some their way. Let em picket...and line the pockets of Planned Parenthood! Yay ingenuity!

Now I'd Watch THAT Movie
For your enjoyment, I share with you: The Abridged Script Of The Dukes Of Hazzard.

Google BlogSearch Launched

Yet again, Google gives me another reason to love them. They have launched Google BlogSearch, which takes advantage of their ownership of Blogger and the best search engine on the web to create a great blog searching service.

Not only did easily find a blog I've never found before in months of searching on a topic (proprietary SAN management is such a disgustingly closed world, it's near impossible to find answers from others in the form of private sites or blogs), but I also found my own blog as the first hit for a search of a couple of keywords that were in one of the most recent posts. Apparently, when you post to blogger, your site index gets updated in BlogSearch. Wow.

Were I female, I'd want to have Google's children.

Cool Dice Usage

Mark over at Furtive (original post) found a great site: Diceware Passphrase. It is a passphrase generation methodology based on rolling five six-sided dice and using the results to lookup a word in a wordlist.

Simple. Random. Effective. This is cool brain-work on the part of its creator. I think I'll followup and try to understand some of the math behind it and why it might be better (although it is probably way over my head). Aside from being a nifty solution to an on-going security issue, it uses dice! And given how much I love dice...

Pandering Politico Bastards

As if we don't have enough other shit to worry about, states are trying to pass (or have passed) "violent video game" legislation.

This article discusses the ramifications of the bill recently passed (and awaiting the Guvahnator's signature) in Kahleefohneeahh. The author clearly and succinctly speaks to why this bill (and those like it) are a waste of time and do no good for the present.

Scumbag politicos...

Thrilling Back Issues

I don't know what is going on, but I think my spine has gone on strike. Despite the fact that I work for a Chiropractor I am having back issues and neck pain (nothing to do with DFA, mind you). I am foolishly avoiding asking the boss for help because last week I got a lecture about lifting the water bottle onto the cooler and I was told to ask a man to do it instead. Asking a man to do something for me is not part of my programming, unless it is something I cannot do myself and said man is capable of doing it. Lifting a water bottle onto the cooler does not, in my mind, fall into that category. I am simply having unusual back issues, dammit!

I am getting a massage tomorrow, since our massage therapist had somebody cancel on her. What can I say, I just have a philanthropic heart.

Web Of The Day #13

The Six Dumbest Ideas in Computer Security
The first one of this batch is the best...this page succinctly states what is wrong with thought processes in the technology security realm. They also touch on things wrong in a lot of industries. A good read.

Interesting Perl
While trying to locate a more reliable means of contacting a CPAN module's current author, I ran across some modules that deserve another look: Module::Release, and Perl::Tidy.

First Cocktail
The first-ever cocktail was a mix that defies all current wives' tales... Not only did it mix beer and wine, but also fruit juice and honey! So not only did you have grain and fruit mixed, but also an extra dose of sugar. Wow! So maybe the "beer then liquor, never been sicker; liquor then beer, in the clear" thing isn't true. Or maybe it isn't true if you ingest it pre-mixed. I feel a "scientific endeavour" coming soon...

Broken Link
Smacky let me know a link was broken here on Fever, so I fixed the gecko feet link in a previous post. For those too lazy to read said post, the article talks about scientists making strides in understanding how a gecko's feet work and replicating said functionality artificially. Cool.

Worn Out, But Still Kicking

So the last couple of weeks have been a bit exhausting...not so much in the physical sense, but more in the intellectual. Two weeks ago, I spent a couple of days generating documentation for the very big project I've been on at work. Those 2-3 days saw about 250 pages of documentation get generated. By the end of that week, my brain was mush and I just power-lounged all weekend.

Last week saw refinements to those 250 pages, as well as drills on those documents to prove the procedures worked. This included "no prior knowledge" testing by one of my colleagues who knew little of the framework and none of the specifics of the process I had documented. Happily, the documents withstood such outsider testing, despite a few glitches which are not show-stoppers and are already places I had noted for future improvement. All in all a big win for me, despite another mentally strenuous week...the weekend was another spate of power-lounging except for driving my best friend back to his house in Lexington after he was stranded here by circumstance.

So begins what should be the final week of testing for my process. Today should see the final tests done. Then documenting the test results. Followed shortly by process and results review by management and auditors. So hopefully by end of week my huge multi-month project will be over. And maybe I'll have some brain power to spare on some other projects or aspects of my life.

Lack-of-Labor Day

So this past three-day weekend, Smacky and I did our level best to be completely irresponsible. We watched movies. We played video games. We had lunch with her parental units. We cooked out. In general we avoided as much responsibility as possible.

And it was wonderful. I really needed the break.

Why Leonard Nimoy?!

Just woke up from a crazy dream...

In it my wife, a couple friends, and I all piled into my car for a road trip. We drove and drove to get to our destination...Leonard Nimoy's house, since we were joining him in attending a concert. We arrived just in time as Leonard was finishing up washing his pimped-out, rolling-on-20s, 1964 El Camino with a sick purple with purple flames paint job.

"Nice Car, Leonard," I hollered as we pulled up.

"Fo sheezy," shouted Leonard, supplying us with one of his wide grins. We parked behind his ride and got out to greet our host. After grabbing our stuff from the car we went inside his house, and he let us get cleaned up and changed. After we were ready, we found Leonard in the living room, pouring tall glasses of booze and splitting up pills. At first hesitant to partake, Leonard coaxes us to imbibe, and we all down our allotment of pills and sticky-sweet liquor.

"Thy drugs are quick," I mutter as I feel a nod coming on.

"And thus, with a kiss, we go!" shouts Leonard and we all pile into cars and head to the concert. As the blocks pass by, the world shifts and goes blurry. The next thing I remember, I'm curled up in the bed of Leonard's El Camino, my wife next to me, neither of us remembering a bit of the night before. We search and search for Leonard, but cannot find him anywhere. After finally finding our friends passed out inside Leonard's house, we learn that they had pretended to take their pills and the night was a nightmare fiasco involving brawls, bouncers, and cops.

After debating about whether we should bail Leonard out of jail, we decide instead to get our stuff and go home.

Sorry, Leonard.